Ar 670 1 Shaving Essay

•When the CG asks what I am doing during said briefings, I am not to stand up and say “Sir, I made a duckie!” (Submitted by SPC Casper) •I cannot, in response to orders that we wear our reflective belts after dark on the FOB wear NVG’s and claim that its not dark to me.

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(Submitted by William Doney) •Not permitted to take over the world when Sgt is on call. •I may not wear black socks on my ears and proclaim that I am Goofy.

•May not try to explode a 3-Liter bottle of coke near any government buildings.

•If you’re going to take a flying leap off a picnic table, don’t do it in the covered smoking area. “Spray and Pray” applies to many, many things that have nothing to do with mil-issued weapon systems.

•(And my favorite, because the dumb*** worked in my office) If the duty NCO has the key to the restricted area, and he’s out of the office, WAIT.

For, not to mention the wonderful way in which the famous Jeremy Taylor has taken the cream of "Conjugal Precepts" in his Sermon called "The Marriage Ring," or the large and copious use he has made in his "Holy Living" of three other Essays in this volume, namely, those "On Curiosity," "On Restraining Anger," and "On Contentedness of Mind," proving conclusively what a storehouse he found the Moralia, we have evidence that that most delightful poet, Robert Herrick, read the Moralia, too, when at Cambridge, so that one cannot but think it was a work read in the University course generally in those days.

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For in a letter to his uncle written from Cambridge, asking for books or money for books, he makes the following remark: "How kind Arcisilaus the philosopher was unto Apelles the painter, Plutark in his Morals will tell you."2 In 1882 the Reverend C. King, Senior Fellow of Trinity College, Cambridge, translated the six "Theosophical Essays" of the Moralia, forming a volume in Bohn's Classical Library.(Submitted by Nemo) • Must not show cat’s brain to a full bird Colonel.(Submitted by “Bruce Wayne”) • Jumping out of a C-130 wearing a cape and batman mask is NOT psychological warfare…. (Submitted by Evil Navy Wife) •I am not allowed to tell other spouses that feeding their sailors large quantities of beets will help them get good scores on a piss test.•Sending a Private to the ship’s supply office for a gallon of “relative bearing grease” is not funny.•Reprimanding the Private when he returns without it and assigning said private to “mail buoy watch” is a no-no.•Do not borrow ,000 from installation MWR for a unit activity then leave the country without paying them back. (Submitted by Cadet Vittles) •”United-fucking-States of Ameri-fucking-ca” is NOT an appropriate response to the Captain asking where you are from •”A professor told me to crawl through a wind tunnel” is not a good excuse as to why your dress pants are dirty •Will not yell “Who likes short shorts?I like short shorts” during PT •I cannot play with a ceremonial weapon unless I’m qualified to use it •And even then, I can’t use them for “Mortal Combat” •Axe-bombing (taping down the button and using the canister as a grenade) is not a good way to make friends •Riding the fast cadets in PT is cheating •”Fox-twat” does not refer to the letter “F” •”I’m only a freshman” does not get you out of doing work •Yelling “One, two, three, four, I love the Air Force!•If you are a rabid Red Sox fan and the armorer is a rabid Yankees fan, do not taunt him on his team’s playoff collapse the day before you go to the machine gun range.•Do not send him the 2004 ALCS on DVD for his going away present when he gets orders for Korea either.•Having your girlfriend/boyfriend live in your barrack suite is prohibited. is not recommended with civilian personnel around •Mark 19’s are not the best weapon for deer hunting, it just turns everything to paste. •Civilian supervisors outrank military supervisors. (Submitted By Brian Ranco) •Not aloud to go big game hunting at the firing range •Bird hunting with a S. •240’s can and will turn a bear into Swiss cheese, if you use 1 or 2, 3 to 6 make hamburger bear. •(Someone else) the words “because I’m the chowrunner, bitch.” is inappropriate to say when a female TI is behind you during basic training.

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